I wanna die

[iwannaenditall]

ive posted here about how im overweight and only 5’10, i have so much wrong w my brain. Ive been depressed for over 10 years, it gets bad and I feel that homelessness is bc of me and i feel bad that others arent happy and im introverted. My friend whos also 5’10 but buff went to a hallwoeen party, a lot of girls from our school took pics with him, I know that wouldnt happen to me. I wish i would like parties but whenever i go i stay alone, nervous, anxious and idk what to do, its hell, I wanna kms but im too scared, so i hope i die from natural causes or a car crashi g into me etc. Im scared. It all hurts and ive tried reaching out but get made fun of, i think i have potential but i usually js go to school then come back and ldar. I used to go to boxing, i liked getting hit in the head, it felt warm. I over trained. I wanna go back bc it lightly eased my thoughts. Now i cant think of anything good. I get scared to walk or breath a certain way bc of my weight. When I was in third grade a classmate asked if i was okay and i cried and told my teacher that I couldnt take this anymore, im currently a junior in hs, im 16. My friends who bully me say get peptides, i was on wegovee but i want reta and to go back tk boxing, i forgot to mention me having spinal stenosis, but about the peptides, i live in a small house with me and my nosy little brother who barelly gives me any privacy, and I HAVE NO MONEY. I honestly dont know what to do. I genuinely might loose sanity. I feel that im fucked for life bc of how insecure Ive been for 10+ years. Im scared of fighting too, im working on that. But im genuinely done w life, Im scared. As i write this im shaking, scared, Idk what to think anymore. and I wont ever drink or smoke, but also i didnt loose any weight. I only loose weight when i starve myself. When i was 14 and went to boxing, I would walk/run 3+ miles a day, trained boxing 3 hours a day 5 days a week, and ate healthy and <2.5k calories. I didnt loose weight. I dont think anyone will read this much words, but this isnt even all of it. Thank you.

 

[Sunny Sunny]

yo my bad im late to see this and respond this late but i did read all and yes i see ure going through hell rn but like u said ure still 16. u still got a lot more to keep going man i know its hard but just try ur best to get things done even if its something small. small steps at a time will eventually lead to bigger things and maybe even past ur goals so please dont give up and dont ever try to end urself. if anything were all still here if u wanna vent and idk what much help i could do but just know ure not alone and were all here to listen

 

[astatin]

I get that feeling man, I used to be bullied and I still am getting bullied for my height.. it's a different kind of pain when you can't change something bad about you..

You should really research about weight loss and get your hopes up, it's hard until you finally see some progress, maybe try to starve? Or be on a low cal diet like 1k a day

There might be some hormone trouble too, if health care is free in your country, I'd recomend getting your blood checked out.

Stay safe

 

[atcg the IV]

ive posted here about how im overweight and only 5’10, i have so much wrong w my brain. Ive been depressed for over 10 years, it gets bad and I feel that homelessness is bc of me and i feel bad that others arent happy and im introverted. My friend whos also 5’10 but buff went to a hallwoeen party, a lot of girls from our school took pics with him, I know that wouldnt happen to me. I wish i would like parties but whenever i go i stay alone, nervous, anxious and idk what to do, its hell, I wanna kms but im too scared, so i hope i die from natural causes or a car crashi g into me etc. Im scared. It all hurts and ive tried reaching out but get made fun of, i think i have potential but i usually js go to school then come back and ldar. I used to go to boxing, i liked getting hit in the head, it felt warm. I over trained. I wanna go back bc it lightly eased my thoughts. Now i cant think of anything good. I get scared to walk or breath a certain way bc of my weight. When I was in third grade a classmate asked if i was okay and i cried and told my teacher that I couldnt take this anymore, im currently a junior in hs, im 16. My friends who bully me say get peptides, i was on wegovee but i want reta and to go back tk boxing, i forgot to mention me having spinal stenosis, but about the peptides, i live in a small house with me and my nosy little brother who barelly gives me any privacy, and I HAVE NO MONEY. I honestly dont know what to do. I genuinely might loose sanity. I feel that im fucked for life bc of how insecure Ive been for 10+ years. Im scared of fighting too, im working on that. But im genuinely done w life, Im scared. As i write this im shaking, scared, Idk what to think anymore. and I wont ever drink or smoke, but also i didnt loose any weight. I only loose weight when i starve myself. When i was 14 and went to boxing, I would walk/run 3+ miles a day, trained boxing 3 hours a day 5 days a week, and ate healthy and <2.5k calories. I didnt loose weight. I dont think anyone will read this much words, but this isnt even all of it. Thank you.

I was bullied for being overweight so i stopped eating and thats probably what stunted my growth

 

[iwannaenditall]

thanks for the advice, i personally wanna hop on a few peps and im ok w dying by 30 as long as i loom good, because all my friends have gfs or have had them i havent, and i am so introverted and insecure due to my looks and knowing how much they matter so im okay with dying young bc most of my life so far has just been nd hell and a bunch of introversion and insecurity.

 

[Sunny Sunny]

thanks for the advice, i personally wanna hop on a few peps and im ok w dying by 30 as long as i loom good, because all my friends have gfs or have had them i havent, and i am so introverted and insecure due to my looks and knowing how much they matter so im okay with dying young bc most of my life so far has just been nd hell and a bunch of introversion and insecurity.

imma be real hopping on is def better than roping coz trust it does get better like my life has improved ever since i hopped on gear and shit but once u do PLEASE be careful and know what ure doing since again ure still 16 so do shit ton of research before anything and feel free to ask me things too if ud like

 

[iwannaenditall]

Now im actually thinking about ending it i hate how my mom is. She has that Im just a girl attitude and she has been stressing me out for almost all my life. My glasses I need to see broke and she blamed it on my little brother who didnt do anything. my dad who was outside working on the house, and me, I had just showered. I went outside and asked my dad if he accidentally bumped into the drawer i was on and he said he didnt remember if he did but also said if anything happens to you its your fault each time. I also asked my mom who told me ages ago that she would get me new glasses bc mines are alr scratched but now they fell and my dogs chewed on them. She said its my fault somehow and I asked can we go to costco to get new glasses. She has recently been talking to her friend way too much, and has to do her makeup today, so she said no, I told her how i have to take my car to a dealership next wednesday and i need to see and i also need to see my work in class and i wont be able to. She blamed it all on me. Ive been sitting in my car just debating if i should but im scared. I do think it would happen someday.

 

[iwannaenditall]

A girl im friends with (im still scared of talking to her and ive known her for 3 years and shes the only girl i talk to) started dating my friend who i met this year and she showed me the things they do and he posted a story with roses he bought for her. Im actually getting closer to ending my life asap. My brain is overthinking everything. If you guys know the song heavenly-cigarettes after sex (instrumental), and some other songs like constellations-duster, and other songs i keep listening to, they make me just think about how important looks are, I honestly to god have only you guys to talk to, and i told my friend (another one) that if a girl ugly or pretty asks me out id think they’re just fucking with me, or if theyre genuine id genuinely cry or be so happy idk what id do. I actually might have to end it. Idk what to do. I have no source of income bc im scared of applying for a job bc im insecure of how i look and im scared of social interactions. I want to genuinely die off of peptides bc id die hopefully looking good. Idc about life or anything i want anymore. No girl would ever like me. And if f a girl interacts with me in any way, my heart races. Like how I pulled a table at school for a girl to get to her seat, she said thanks and I honestly just showed a thumbs up, My brain never gets to do what i want to do, i act wierd at school bc i try to be nt, I just keep spiraling. If i dont kms, it will spiral into insanity.

 

[Beauty]

A girl im friends with (im still scared of talking to her and ive known her for 3 years and shes the only girl i talk to) started dating my friend who i met this year and she showed me the things they do and he posted a story with roses he bought for her. Im actually getting closer to ending my life asap. My brain is overthinking everything. If you guys know the song heavenly-cigarettes after sex (instrumental), and some other songs like constellations-duster, and other songs i keep listening to, they make me just think about how important looks are, I honestly to god have only you guys to talk to, and i told my friend (another one) that if a girl ugly or pretty asks me out id think they’re just fucking with me, or if theyre genuine id genuinely cry or be so happy idk what id do. I actually might have to end it. Idk what to do. I have no source of income bc im scared of applying for a job bc im insecure of how i look and im scared of social interactions. I want to genuinely die off of peptides bc id die hopefully looking good. Idc about life or anything i want anymore. No girl would ever like me. And if f a girl interacts with me in any way, my heart races. Like how I pulled a table at school for a girl to get to her seat, she said thanks and I honestly just showed a thumbs up, My brain never gets to do what i want to do, i act wierd at school bc i try to be nt, I just keep spiraling. If i dont kms, it will spiral into insanity.

hey im so sorry to hear this it all sounds so incredbily heavy and exhausting for you right now. i understand how it is to have your brain spiralling like that, and feeling overwhelmed, it is a really painful experience. But something i have learned is to never give up, and i know it so hard to do. I understand getting a job might seem scary but i really encourage you to do it having some type of money would help u in improving your looks a lot.
What i really want to say to u is that it is fine to not have everything working out at the moment, and u dont have to hold all that pressure alone. Im really happy u have reached out to us about your problems. I want u to know that someone out there (like me and the others) have read your words and have heard about how much u are suffering, we are all glad u are here and all want the best for you so please hang in there.
You can reach out to me about literally anything i dont have many people to talk to.