I wanna die

[iwannaenditall]

ive posted here about how im overweight and only 5’10, i have so much wrong w my brain. Ive been depressed for over 10 years, it gets bad and I feel that homelessness is bc of me and i feel bad that others arent happy and im introverted. My friend whos also 5’10 but buff went to a hallwoeen party, a lot of girls from our school took pics with him, I know that wouldnt happen to me. I wish i would like parties but whenever i go i stay alone, nervous, anxious and idk what to do, its hell, I wanna kms but im too scared, so i hope i die from natural causes or a car crashi g into me etc. Im scared. It all hurts and ive tried reaching out but get made fun of, i think i have potential but i usually js go to school then come back and ldar. I used to go to boxing, i liked getting hit in the head, it felt warm. I over trained. I wanna go back bc it lightly eased my thoughts. Now i cant think of anything good. I get scared to walk or breath a certain way bc of my weight. When I was in third grade a classmate asked if i was okay and i cried and told my teacher that I couldnt take this anymore, im currently a junior in hs, im 16. My friends who bully me say get peptides, i was on wegovee but i want reta and to go back tk boxing, i forgot to mention me having spinal stenosis, but about the peptides, i live in a small house with me and my nosy little brother who barelly gives me any privacy, and I HAVE NO MONEY. I honestly dont know what to do. I genuinely might loose sanity. I feel that im fucked for life bc of how insecure Ive been for 10+ years. Im scared of fighting too, im working on that. But im genuinely done w life, Im scared. As i write this im shaking, scared, Idk what to think anymore. and I wont ever drink or smoke, but also i didnt loose any weight. I only loose weight when i starve myself. When i was 14 and went to boxing, I would walk/run 3+ miles a day, trained boxing 3 hours a day 5 days a week, and ate healthy and <2.5k calories. I didnt loose weight. I dont think anyone will read this much words, but this isnt even all of it. Thank you.

 

[Sunny Sunny]

yo my bad im late to see this and respond this late but i did read all and yes i see ure going through hell rn but like u said ure still 16. u still got a lot more to keep going man i know its hard but just try ur best to get things done even if its something small. small steps at a time will eventually lead to bigger things and maybe even past ur goals so please dont give up and dont ever try to end urself. if anything were all still here if u wanna vent and idk what much help i could do but just know ure not alone and were all here to listen