I wanna die

A girl im friends with (im still scared of talking to her and ive known her for 3 years and shes the only girl i talk to) started dating my friend who i met this year and she showed me the things they do and he posted a story with roses he bought for her. Im actually getting closer to ending my life asap. My brain is overthinking everything. If you guys know the song heavenly-cigarettes after sex (instrumental), and some other songs like constellations-duster, and other songs i keep listening to, they make me just think about how important looks are, I honestly to god have only you guys to talk to, and i told my friend (another one) that if a girl ugly or pretty asks me out id think they’re just fucking with me, or if theyre genuine id genuinely cry or be so happy idk what id do. I actually might have to end it. Idk what to do. I have no source of income bc im scared of applying for a job bc im insecure of how i look and im scared of social interactions. I want to genuinely die off of peptides bc id die hopefully looking good. Idc about life or anything i want anymore. No girl would ever like me. And if f a girl interacts with me in any way, my heart races. Like how I pulled a table at school for a girl to get to her seat, she said thanks and I honestly just showed a thumbs up, My brain never gets to do what i want to do, i act wierd at school bc i try to be nt, I just keep spiraling. If i dont kms, it will spiral into insanity.