I wanna die

[iwannaenditall]

ive posted here about how im overweight and only 5’10, i have so much wrong w my brain. Ive been depressed for over 10 years, it gets bad and I feel that homelessness is bc of me and i feel bad that others arent happy and im introverted. My friend whos also 5’10 but buff went to a hallwoeen party, a lot of girls from our school took pics with him, I know that wouldnt happen to me. I wish i would like parties but whenever i go i stay alone, nervous, anxious and idk what to do, its hell, I wanna kms but im too scared, so i hope i die from natural causes or a car crashi g into me etc. Im scared. It all hurts and ive tried reaching out but get made fun of, i think i have potential but i usually js go to school then come back and ldar. I used to go to boxing, i liked getting hit in the head, it felt warm. I over trained. I wanna go back bc it lightly eased my thoughts. Now i cant think of anything good. I get scared to walk or breath a certain way bc of my weight. When I was in third grade a classmate asked if i was okay and i cried and told my teacher that I couldnt take this anymore, im currently a junior in hs, im 16. My friends who bully me say get peptides, i was on wegovee but i want reta and to go back tk boxing, i forgot to mention me having spinal stenosis, but about the peptides, i live in a small house with me and my nosy little brother who barelly gives me any privacy, and I HAVE NO MONEY. I honestly dont know what to do. I genuinely might loose sanity. I feel that im fucked for life bc of how insecure Ive been for 10+ years. Im scared of fighting too, im working on that. But im genuinely done w life, Im scared. As i write this im shaking, scared, Idk what to think anymore. and I wont ever drink or smoke, but also i didnt loose any weight. I only loose weight when i starve myself. When i was 14 and went to boxing, I would walk/run 3+ miles a day, trained boxing 3 hours a day 5 days a week, and ate healthy and <2.5k calories. I didnt loose weight. I dont think anyone will read this much words, but this isnt even all of it. Thank you.