Seeking Advice how do I cope?

[paris]

For some context, I’ve only ever been in one proper relationship before. It lasted around a year and a half and abruptly ended (by my own volition) after I realized how messed up some of his treatment was. He was a lot better looking than me, and his friends were constantly making fun of me for it. That impacted a lot of his views on me and it was reflected by his secretive behavior when we were in public. He was my first and only love, but it had gotten so painful by the end that I genuinely regretted nothing. I felt like I was free. Until girls started befriending me just to try and get with him.

He got with another girl not even a month after we broke up and has been with her ever since. Things were on bad terms for a while after that. His new girlfriend was his childhood best friend. Their parents already knew each other and they became inseparable. She ended up spreading lies about me and that left me isolated for the majority of my highschool years. He’s always had everything going for him. Rich family. Great looks. Big group of friends. Support and love from every corner. I on the other hand have been hesitant to be myself because my experience was the opposite. This love ruined me and I’ve been alone ever since. I’ve only had talking stages but I truly don’t know if my brain will ever let me really love after that.

Recently I’ve been really craving a relationship and ive started building up my self worth. So naturally i checked up on him.

TELL ME WHY HE IS A RUNWAY MODEL NOW.

I’m not going to lie that sent me into a spiral. I’ve been working so hard on myself trying to scrub my brain free of the wicked comments his friends made, while he’s continuing to accomplish everything I’ve ever wanted.

I went back to the forbidden folder and listened to a playlist we made together (bad I know) and have been feeling pretty horrible since then.

Artists that have been off limits since the breakup:

Is there anything I can even do or will I forever be stuck knowing im not good enough?


TLDR: EX IS A RUNWAY MODEL AND IM STILL FEELING LONELY AND UNLOVABLE. WHAT DO I DO????

 

[Flint]

To be 100% transparent, I don't know if I've heard or read of much effort you've put into looking into any relationship. I could be wrong but it seems like you usually wait for someone to approach you first.

You're very kind, smart, interesting, and you've put a lot of effort into forming an appearance you've wanted for a while.

I don't think the issue is your personality or appearance, mainly just the fact you're not very social irl or when you are, you have a way to emotionally sabotage yourself from experiencing any form of joy from it because you find a way to overthink most of it.

 

[God]

I've helped a lot of my friends through really painful breakups and friendships, and i noticed that a lot of people really care about what their EXes are doing when they shouldn't.

You guys seperated, no matter whose fault it was, you're now different people and the best course of action is to leave him alone and therefore leave yourself in peace. His success doesn't equal your failure, you can build yourself up just fine if not BETTER than him, and the only thing holding you back is your own mindset.

It's really painful to see someone who hurt you do better than you in life, i get that because i've been through it. But it NEVER should be something that brings you down. Use it as motivation. If they can do it then why can't you.

I also agree with what @Flint said, overthinking is a big curse in building relationships and will lead to you being unhappy.

Give yourself time, don't get into relationships out of emotion and loneliness. You should only attempt it when YOU feel that you're mentally ready for it and that you understand all the hardships that come with it. There needs to be mutual effort, mutual forgiveness and mutual care.

 

[TonyDrTonyDr is verified member.]

For some context, I’ve only ever been in one proper relationship before. It lasted around a year and a half and abruptly ended (by my own volition) after I realized how messed up some of his treatment was. He was a lot better looking than me, and his friends were constantly making fun of me for it. That impacted a lot of his views on me and it was reflected by his secretive behavior when we were in public. He was my first and only love, but it had gotten so painful by the end that I genuinely regretted nothing. I felt like I was free. Until girls started befriending me just to try and get with him.

He got with another girl not even a month after we broke up and has been with her ever since. Things were on bad terms for a while after that. His new girlfriend was his childhood best friend. Their parents already knew each other and they became inseparable. She ended up spreading lies about me and that left me isolated for the majority of my highschool years. He’s always had everything going for him. Rich family. Great looks. Big group of friends. Support and love from every corner. I on the other hand have been hesitant to be myself because my experience was the opposite. This love ruined me and I’ve been alone ever since. I’ve only had talking stages but I truly don’t know if my brain will ever let me really love after that.

Recently I’ve been really craving a relationship and ive started building up my self worth. So naturally i checked up on him.

TELL ME WHY HE IS A RUNWAY MODEL NOW.

View attachment 791

I’m not going to lie that sent me into a spiral. I’ve been working so hard on myself trying to scrub my brain free of the wicked comments his friends made, while he’s continuing to accomplish everything I’ve ever wanted.

I went back to the forbidden folder and listened to a playlist we made together (bad I know) and have been feeling pretty horrible since then.

Artists that have been off limits since the breakup:

View attachment 793
View attachment 794View attachment 795View attachment 796

Is there anything I can even do or will I forever be stuck knowing im not good enough?


TLDR: EX IS A RUNWAY MODEL AND IM STILL FEELING LONELY AND UNLOVABLE. WHAT DO I DO????

You should never NEVER compare yourself to anyone. Life will be always unfair and people will always have different starting bases.

Because you don't miss him at all, you said it yourself that you was miserable with him. You're just jealous that he does better than you. Fck this guy if he couldn't even defend and stand his ground for his gf

You shouldn't have checked on him and listened to y'all music playlist. You miss something who don't exists anymore.

Idk how fresh the relationship was, but only time and focusing on yourself will helps and heal, alongside an absolute zero-contact with him. Focus on your studies, on your hobbies, go to therapy and group therapy, don't hesitate to meet people and interact with them men and women BUT don't start dating guys to fill a void, a relationship craving, or trying to forget your ex.
You will just create more traumas, and let guys using you at your most vulnerable state

Unfortunately life is unfair but you have to make the best of it anyways and never give up.
4 years ago now i was a professional MMA fighter and i fought and won over a guy who is now one of the biggest name of his fighting league, while i'm here, retired, after 2 neck surgeries, seeing him getting paid despite him not being the best.

But you know what ? At some point you have to move on and don't be stuck in the past.

Yeah it stucks. But it's just a perception, an imaginary pedestal in our mind, and we need to get rid of it asap