how do I cope?

To be 100% transparent, I don't know if I've heard or read of much effort you've put into looking into any relationship. I could be wrong but it seems like you usually wait for someone to approach you first.

You're very kind, smart, interesting, and you've put a lot of effort into forming an appearance you've wanted for a while.

I don't think the issue is your personality or appearance, mainly just the fact you're not very social irl or when you are, you have a way to emotionally sabotage yourself from experiencing any form of joy from it because you find a way to overthink most of it.