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Friends, foids, countrymen, lend me your ears! For today is the 250th anniversary of a small group of terrorists claiming to speak for 13 separate colonies that they are now an independent country!
Was there an election by the people? No!
Was there a majority who wanted succession from England? Also no!
Did this improve the economy or civil rights of the colonist? ABSOLUTELY NO!
But like all great movements in history, some dumbasses with guns, a weird fetish for the ancient Romans, and a whole lot of whiskey wrote something down and made it everyone else's problem, so here we are! Living in glorious independence led by some of the greatest slavers and sexual deviants in the history of the world (that part's true. Ben Franklin's dick was like deadass ground zero for super syphilis. A lot of French prostitutes died. Very sad).
In honor of our founding fathers (who didn't really found anything...? Like Amerigo Vespucci was here centuries prior and the French, English, and Spanish already did most of the hard work of killing off the natives), I have decided that I am now supreme and uncontested super admin of this site for the remainder of the American independence day. Until 12am EST, the following new policies are now in effect:
1. The metric system is no longer allowed on this site. Exceptions are only made for bullet calibers. If you're putting "millimeter" in any post it damn well better be after the number 9. If you're asking for people to rate you, you better get your ass a conversion table if you're including height.
2. Birds aren't real. This is a FACT and they are not to be acknowledged. The only exception is the glorious bald eagle, carrying an olive branch that we're going to pretend doesn't exist because peace is for losers and cowards.
3. Sharing is now forbidden in every possible definition. Sharing is one step away from communism and we have no tolerance for this. Tolerating communism is an affront to both @God and freedom
4. You may continue to post in your preferred language. However, be advised that doing so can and will result in you being flagged as a potential threat to democracy.
5. All users with the OG Vet badge will be required to purchase one (1) bottle of ranch dressing within the next calendar year or I will use my authority as super admin to permanently revoke your badge.
Thank you all for your attention to this matter. Praise be to our new emperor (me) and may the illusion of freedom guide your way you yankee doodle FUCKS
Was there an election by the people? No!
Was there a majority who wanted succession from England? Also no!
Did this improve the economy or civil rights of the colonist? ABSOLUTELY NO!
But like all great movements in history, some dumbasses with guns, a weird fetish for the ancient Romans, and a whole lot of whiskey wrote something down and made it everyone else's problem, so here we are! Living in glorious independence led by some of the greatest slavers and sexual deviants in the history of the world (that part's true. Ben Franklin's dick was like deadass ground zero for super syphilis. A lot of French prostitutes died. Very sad).
In honor of our founding fathers (who didn't really found anything...? Like Amerigo Vespucci was here centuries prior and the French, English, and Spanish already did most of the hard work of killing off the natives), I have decided that I am now supreme and uncontested super admin of this site for the remainder of the American independence day. Until 12am EST, the following new policies are now in effect:
1. The metric system is no longer allowed on this site. Exceptions are only made for bullet calibers. If you're putting "millimeter" in any post it damn well better be after the number 9. If you're asking for people to rate you, you better get your ass a conversion table if you're including height.
2. Birds aren't real. This is a FACT and they are not to be acknowledged. The only exception is the glorious bald eagle, carrying an olive branch that we're going to pretend doesn't exist because peace is for losers and cowards.
3. Sharing is now forbidden in every possible definition. Sharing is one step away from communism and we have no tolerance for this. Tolerating communism is an affront to both @God and freedom
4. You may continue to post in your preferred language. However, be advised that doing so can and will result in you being flagged as a potential threat to democracy.
5. All users with the OG Vet badge will be required to purchase one (1) bottle of ranch dressing within the next calendar year or I will use my authority as super admin to permanently revoke your badge.
Thank you all for your attention to this matter. Praise be to our new emperor (me) and may the illusion of freedom guide your way you yankee doodle FUCKS
(and im already bald
)