Discussion [QOTW #6] Can you love a partner without physical attraction?

[gato]

Do you think you could be in love with somebody you genuinely can't find physically attractive? Can you love them but not enter a long term relationship with them, or vice versa?

What if you found them attractive at one point and something changed? Does it being something plausibly fixable (hair color, weight) change how you view it vs something permanent (surgery, injury)?

 

[Blackpillirony]

Bump for those in a relationship

 

[Flint]

I'll be honest, it's mainly personality for me. I mean, if you're fat or skinny, an ass (or breasts) is hard to dislike, if you get my gist. At least sexually. I don't really have a preference towards skin/hair/makeup/etc either.

If I lost attraction, it would depend heavily on why I lost it.

I do think you can love someone and not enter a relationship with them, I think love is complicated. But a lot of people require sexual attraction as a "condition" of sorts for a relationship.

If it was something dramatic and permanent, I'd be honest it might be hard for me but depending on what it is I would learn to get over it.

This discussion kind of reminds me of that TikTok lady who shaved her head and her husband refused to talk to her without her wearing a wig. To me that's wild, I legitimately think that's like degrading / disrespectful territory. You can experience attraction loss in someone and not disrespect them like that, especially if they're your wife. I think being honest about your feelings is also not necessarily a bad thing even if it might hurt some feelings. But if you're already married to them and have kids together, at a certain point you should learn to handle your reaction differently. Defeats the purpose of marriage if you immediately don't want to talk to them over a botched haircut.

 

[TonyDrTonyDr is verified member.]

To me that's wild, I legitimately think that's like degrading / disrespectful territory

Kinda agree with you, but it's complex. I do think being sexually/physically attracted to your partner is extremely important, if not you'll just resent them overtime and the lack of actual lack of sexuality can kill the couple or lead to cheating/open relationship stuff.

But personality matters also, a lot. No matters how hot (s)he is, unless you're into that, being a shit partner will nuke your relationship, from you by your actions or from them because they can't stand you anymore.

That's said attraction isn't equal in both sexes because most men will be attracted to a kind/nice girl with basic feminine features like long hair, an ass and boobs, but men will also need to accept that their woman's body will change drastically (even if she check the diet and stays fit) after delivering his offsprings, who will turns into a kind of "mother of my children" attraction/love rather than "my smoke show of a gf" type of attraction, who can kill a relationship too.

Complex subject but overall both personality and looks matter

 

[balls]

Do you think you could be in love with somebody you genuinely can't find physically attractive? Can you love them but not enter a long term relationship with them, or vice versa?

What if you found them attractive at one point and something changed? Does it being something plausibly fixable (hair color, weight) change how you view it vs something permanent (surgery, injury)?

Old thread, but my reply will be very similar to @Flint above

I believe that when seeking a partner, looks and attraction is a completely valid concern. For most people it's a natural and important part of any relationship. Of course it's not everything but it's not at all nothing either.

But in the grand scheme of things, love is deeper than just appearance. It's about shared values, feeling of trust, safety, good personality and how someone makes you feel. Eventually, after a few months in a relationship, you'll notice that you love your partner in their natural state more than when they actually put effort. After half a year you'll notice you aren't paying much attention to looks at all, and realise that your partner slowly doesnt care either. After a few years, you understand that the value of your partner never stemmed from their looks but who they are as a person.

The most important values in creating a family are patience, being caring, being kind, being creative and intelligent, being loyal, being good with kids.

Notice how none of them are about looks? :)