how do I cope?

Flint said
To be 100% transparent, I don't know if I've heard or read of much effort you've put into looking into any relationship. I could be wrong but it seems like you usually wait for someone to approach you first.

You're very kind, smart, interesting, and you've put a lot of effort into forming an appearance you've wanted for a while.

I don't think the issue is your personality or appearance, mainly just the fact you're not very social irl or when you are, you have a way to emotionally sabotage yourself from experiencing any form of joy from it because you find a way to overthink most of it.

this whole read on my situation was so accurate that I logged out and spent a few hours thinking before I could respond.

You’re spot on because I gave up on trying after my one bad experience 💀 “mama ain’t raise no bitch” apparently doesn’t apply to me. I have quite literally created this problem so I need to figure out how to fight feeling unworthy. When someone shows interest in me I immediately get the urge to shut them out because I don’t trust anyone’s judgment regarding my appearance. after so many years of people feeding me every negative thought it feels cruel to hear positive things.

Also thank you so much. Definitely have put a lot of effort into the way I present myself now. I think im ready to change my mindset too.